I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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