She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize