now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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