I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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