respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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