Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this will be a night to untag.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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