i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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