I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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