proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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