I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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