i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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