Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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