Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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