my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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