I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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