you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize