i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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