whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize