The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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