batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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