I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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