Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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