Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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