This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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