i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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