I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You don't make any sense
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