I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize