Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize