I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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