Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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