Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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