Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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