I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize