I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize