I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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