I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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