I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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