my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize