Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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