girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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