i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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