Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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