from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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