i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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