"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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