Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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