I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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