I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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