Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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