I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize